insomnolence
2007 Sep 24 3:08Do you ever find yourself up all night, reliving mistakes you’ve made 5, 10, even 20 years ago? Tonight’s one of those nights for me. I’m alternately thinking about social faux pas & mistakes at work, white lies that’ve gotten me into troubles and hearts I’ve broken over the years.
Unlike the grieving widow who blames herself, I think these particular memories haunt me because they were all reasonably preventable. “If I’d just…” I think. But I didn’t. And I don’t have a holiday for atonement, nor a confessional booth. I don’t feel any of that would give me peace of mind; it hasn’t in the past, anyway. But I still aim for perfection, even if I’ll never achieve it.
Maybe I’m upset because I know I haven’t corrected my ways? At least I feel remorse.
Scrawled on an SH-6.
(I commented on this a week ago. Why didn't
Glue | 30 09 2007(I commented on this a week ago. Why didn’t it take?)
I don’t do this all the time but enough to make me think I must think about past mistakes a lot and probably more often than I should.
Not sure why your last comment didn't show up -
Wohali | 2 10 2007Not sure why your last comment didn’t show up - I’ve fixed some of the infrastructure in the time being (you might notice minor cosmetic improvements and usability upgrades) so that might have been at fault.
Yeah, I know the feeling.
Apparently it’s a classic sign of adult ADD. Go figure. I may noodle on this more in the near future.
I used to lose allot of sleep regretting my past.
KoldFusion | 3 10 2007I used to lose allot of sleep regretting my past. I still regret allot. But wiser people tell me I need to look ahead and try not to make those same mistakes again.
But the older I get the more opportunity there is for mistakes, and the more I make.
All I can do about it now is to refine and redefine who I am into who I want to be.
Keep your chin up Wo!